TALENT IDENTIFICACION

ADDICTIONS

A person so driven, as in the case of a triathlete, easily can fall into addictions.  Being addicted will depend in our options to choose from; something we learn at home and in the environment we live in.  Positive experiences place a major role in avoiding falling into the trap of addictions.  The more passionate we are, the more addicted we can be if we do not develop ways of coping with life at different stages of our lives.  OUR EDUCATION PLAYS THE MOST IMPORTANT ROLE IN OUR ADDICTIONS, which could limit immensely our performance in triathlon.  Talent identification has to do with education and secondary with our “soma.” It depends on the adaptive patterns. Somebody has to live healthy in order to overcome addictions; so knowing the adaptive patterns is important when we speak about talent.  A practical and clever Ecological definition of an addiction is given by Gregory Bateson, Mind and Nature, A Necessary Unity (1979).  Bateson puts adaptation vs. addiction. I go by this definition because it gives me the opportunity to be a better human being without “hard” addictions and it guides me to overcome my addictions in a practical way:

Addiction is the name of the large class of changes induced by environment and experience that are not adaptive and do not confer survival value (193).

According to Bateson, our NOT adaptive behavior is addictive and becomes our addiction.  I will discuss the following issue with the intention of making things clear for my audience.  I have respect and admiration for the champion.  The following is from the online magazine, Competitor Triathlete:

I had finished the race and was sitting with team-mates, talking about the size of female triathletes. I was still swimming a lot and was joking that I still had my big swimmer arms and needed the body fat to be buoyant.

It’s important to note that I didn’t even know what a calorie was and, apart from thinking it was fuel, I had no funny thoughts about food.

That quickly changed when one of the coaches – not mine – said: “You’ll need to start thinking about your weight if you want to run quick, Hollie.” That comment planted a seed in my head that didn’t need to be planted.

From that day on I constantly thought about what went into my mouth. Food became my enemy. I developed an eating disorder.

At the time I didn’t know what it was. It wasn’t until I heard other athletes discussing eating disorders that I realised I had one. I lived in denial. I was losing weight rapidly but I felt great and was running fast.

My life was governed by food. It was a nightmare. I’ll never forgive the coach who said those words to me.

This particular eating disorder came and went pretty quickly. My coach at the time, Ben Bright, had some harsh words, saying he would refuse to coach me unless I sorted myself out. That hit home. My parents also discovered what was going on.

Stopping wasn’t easy. I didn’t tell any friends, though I did have help from my psychologist, Joce Brooks, and a nutritionist called Jacqueline Birtwisle. I cannot put into words how grateful I was for their support.

After making my debut at the 2008 Olympics and winning the world under-23 title a year later, 2010 became very dark. The coaching and squad structure changed dramatically at my base in Loughborough and I hated it.

Ben and I drifted apart and I wanted to leave Loughborough, but British Triathlon wanted me to stay. I really had to battle for the right to move.

My lack of control and the endless fighting with my governing body saw me turn back to my old ways. My eating disorder returned. What I ate became the one thing I could control in my life. I kept everything secret. I lost a lot of weight but kept lying to people that it was just because I was running more.

The eating disorder followed me to my new training location in Leeds.

With new coaches, new athletes and new friends, I don’t think people realised what was going on. I was on my own and didn’t want to speak up. In February 2011, I finally made a cry for help, admitting everything to Joce and my parents. This time I was too far gone and we had to work so hard to get me better.

In June last year, I decided the only way to recover was to break the vicious cycle and leave Leeds. I called Michelle Dillon, a two-time Olympian in triathlon and now a successful coach.

Michelle guessed what had been going on. I asked her if she would coach me and she said yes. That was the day I put eating disorder round two to bed.

Over the past few months, Michelle has helped me so much with my thoughts around eating but in February this year a new problem emerged. I was diagnosed with stress fractures in each shin.

At first I just wanted to swim and cycle like mad because I was determined not to let the injury get the better of me. That determination lasted a month, and then I cracked.

I was in tears at training, I was tired and I was lost. Looking back, I was proud I didn’t turn back to old ways of controlling myself through food, but I ended up being diagnosed with depression.

This is the first time I’ve spoken about this publicly, and is the reason why I have to say goodbye to my elite sporting career. I don’t ever want to go back to those dark, lonely times.

Don’t get me wrong. I have had some amazing experiences in triathlon. I leave the sport as an Olympian, a double world champion, a national champion and also someone who was once ranked world No 1.

But those great times do not outweigh the miserable times. I don’t want to risk my health again, not just my mental health, but my physical health.

I want to be happy.

So what now? I am excited at what the future holds. I have learnt so much from my experiences in sport and want to use my knowledge to help others.

One day I would love to set up a charity to help young female athletes with eating disorders. I feel it’s rife in our sport and lots of girls suffer in silence.

It’s not just triathlon. There are many other sports where eating disorders develop. I want to encourage young females to strive for their dreams, just as I did, but I also want them to be helped when obstacles get in their way.

I believe life has chapters and this is the end of one of mine.

Although I am sad to be hanging up the race shoes, I’m proud of what I’ve overcome.

The problem related to growing up as it said in the definition of addiction is not addressed: “…class of changes induced by environment and experience.” The way we approach the problem gives different solutions.  Please read, Treatment of Stress Fracture in this blog, April 19, 2012.  In this era we have lack of common sense added to poor science.  There is a vicious cycle, excess of information and lack of common sense.  That is one of the reasons why I hold innovation the way nature does, as I mentioned May 14, 2012. How much innovation can we practice away from our majorities’ current knowledge and politics?  Gregory Bateson calculates that changes in natural selection (genetics) takes place at least 150 years after the environmental changes, in order for the genetics changes to be viable. I try to wait the longest I can, but I do not believe in the way we handle Psychiatric Disorders.  Even more importantly, Psychiatry for champions should exist.  The limit for a champion is the doctor in front of the athlete, reason why she/he could become something else except a champion.

I remember a patient dying and talking to his adolescent son.  His son was crying and my patient asked him: “Why do you cry, son?”  “Because you are dying, dad,” he answered.  My patient just responded: “Hold your tears because life is going to be worse for you.”  Ten years later, his son became my patient and told me, “I just understood what my father told me.  Life is incredibly hard and it was very easy when he was alive.” I just told him, “do not become addicted to falling in love; otherwise life will be even harder.”