ADDICTIONS
A person so driven, as in the case of a triathlete,
easily can fall into addictions. Being
addicted will depend in our options to choose from; something we learn at home
and in the environment we live in.
Positive experiences place a major role in avoiding falling into the
trap of addictions. The more passionate
we are, the more addicted we can be if we do not develop ways of coping with
life at different stages of our lives. OUR
EDUCATION PLAYS THE MOST IMPORTANT ROLE IN OUR ADDICTIONS, which could
limit immensely our performance in triathlon.
Talent identification has to do with education and secondary with our
“soma.” It depends on the adaptive patterns. Somebody has to live healthy in
order to overcome addictions; so knowing the adaptive patterns is important when we speak about talent. A practical and clever Ecological definition of an addiction is given by Gregory Bateson, Mind
and Nature, A Necessary Unity (1979).
Bateson puts adaptation vs.
addiction. I go by this definition because it gives me the opportunity to
be a better human being without “hard” addictions and it guides me to overcome
my addictions in a practical way:
Addiction is the name of the large class of changes
induced by environment and experience that are not adaptive and do not confer
survival value (193).
According to Bateson, our NOT adaptive behavior is
addictive and becomes our addiction. I
will discuss the following issue with the intention of making things clear for
my audience. I have respect and
admiration for the champion. The
following is from the online magazine, Competitor
Triathlete:
I had finished the race and was sitting with
team-mates, talking about the size of female triathletes. I was still swimming a
lot and was joking that I still had my big swimmer arms and needed the body fat
to be buoyant.
It’s important to note that I didn’t even know what a
calorie was and, apart from thinking it was fuel, I had no funny thoughts about
food.
That quickly changed when one of the coaches – not
mine – said: “You’ll need to start thinking about your weight if you want to
run quick, Hollie.” That comment planted a seed in my head that didn’t need to
be planted.
From that day on I constantly thought about what went
into my mouth. Food became my enemy. I developed an eating disorder.
At the time I didn’t know what it was. It wasn’t until
I heard other athletes discussing eating disorders that I realised I had one. I
lived in denial. I was losing weight rapidly but I felt great and was running
fast.
My life was governed by food. It was a nightmare. I’ll
never forgive the coach who said those words to me.
This particular eating disorder came and went pretty
quickly. My coach at the time, Ben Bright, had some harsh words, saying he
would refuse to coach me unless I sorted myself out. That hit home. My parents
also discovered what was going on.
Stopping wasn’t easy. I didn’t tell any friends,
though I did have help from my psychologist, Joce Brooks, and a nutritionist
called Jacqueline Birtwisle. I cannot put into words how grateful I was for
their support.
After making my debut at the 2008 Olympics and winning
the world under-23 title a year later, 2010 became very dark. The coaching and
squad structure changed dramatically at my base in Loughborough and I hated it.
Ben and I drifted apart and I wanted to leave
Loughborough, but British Triathlon wanted me to stay. I really had to battle
for the right to move.
My lack of control and the endless fighting with my
governing body saw me turn back to my old ways. My eating disorder returned.
What I ate became the one thing I could control in my life. I kept everything
secret. I lost a lot of weight but kept lying to people that it was just
because I was running more.
The eating disorder followed me to my new training
location in Leeds.
With new coaches, new athletes and new friends, I
don’t think people realised what was going on. I was on my own and didn’t want
to speak up. In February 2011, I finally made a cry for help, admitting
everything to Joce and my parents. This time I was too far gone and we had to
work so hard to get me better.
In June last year, I decided the only way to recover
was to break the vicious cycle and leave Leeds. I called Michelle Dillon, a
two-time Olympian in triathlon and now a successful coach.
Michelle guessed what had been going on. I asked her
if she would coach me and she said yes. That was the day I put eating disorder
round two to bed.
Over the past few months, Michelle has helped me so
much with my thoughts around eating but in February this year a new problem
emerged. I was diagnosed with stress fractures in each shin.
At first I just wanted to swim and cycle like mad
because I was determined not to let the injury get the better of me. That
determination lasted a month, and then I cracked.
I was in tears at training, I was tired and I was
lost. Looking back, I was proud I didn’t turn back to old ways of controlling
myself through food, but I ended up being diagnosed with depression.
This is the first time I’ve spoken about this
publicly, and is the reason why I have to say goodbye to my elite sporting
career. I don’t ever want to go back to those dark, lonely times.
Don’t get me wrong. I have had some amazing
experiences in triathlon. I leave the sport as an Olympian, a double world
champion, a national champion and also someone who was once ranked world No 1.
But those great times do not outweigh the miserable
times. I don’t want to risk my health again, not just my mental health, but my
physical health.
I want to be happy.
So what now? I am excited at what the future holds. I
have learnt so much from my experiences in sport and want to use my knowledge
to help others.
One day I would love to set up a charity to help young
female athletes with eating disorders. I feel it’s rife in our sport and lots
of girls suffer in silence.
It’s not just triathlon. There are many other sports
where eating disorders develop. I want to encourage young females to strive for
their dreams, just as I did, but I also want them to be helped when obstacles
get in their way.
I believe life has chapters and this is the end of one
of mine.
Although I am sad to be hanging up the race shoes, I’m
proud of what I’ve overcome.
The problem related to growing up as it said in the
definition of addiction is not addressed: “…class of changes induced by
environment and experience.” The way we approach the problem gives different
solutions. Please read, Treatment of Stress Fracture in this
blog, April 19, 2012. In this era we
have lack of common sense added to poor science. There is a vicious cycle, excess of
information and lack of common sense. That
is one of the reasons why I hold innovation the way nature does, as I mentioned
May 14, 2012. How much innovation can we
practice away from our majorities’ current knowledge and politics? Gregory Bateson calculates that changes in
natural selection (genetics) takes place at least 150 years after the environmental
changes, in order for the genetics changes to be viable. I try to wait the
longest I can, but I do not believe in the way we handle Psychiatric
Disorders. Even more importantly,
Psychiatry for champions should exist.
The limit for a champion is the doctor in front of the athlete, reason
why she/he could become something else except a champion.
I remember a patient dying and talking to his
adolescent son. His son was crying and my
patient asked him: “Why do you cry, son?”
“Because you are dying, dad,” he answered. My patient just responded: “Hold your tears because
life is going to be worse for you.” Ten
years later, his son became my patient and told me, “I just understood what my
father told me. Life is incredibly hard
and it was very easy when he was alive.” I just told him, “do not become
addicted to falling in love; otherwise life will be even harder.”
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